Update

Mom seems to be doing ok, for the moment.  I never really know what we are in for when we go, but we roll with it.

She had some visitors besides me week before last, she did remember that when I saw her last. She enjoyed it.  I wish I had more people who could go, but, it is what it is I suppose.

We visited for a bit, and she was in the super happy mood, which I admit freaks me out just a tad...b/c she's TOO happy. Abnormal happy, but I roll with it that too.

She asked the girls where their brother was...which confused them greatly.  The only thing I can figure is she meant MY brother, and maybe thought my oldest was me?  After she said, "but I dont have a brother" she didnt really want to talk to us much anymore. :(  I asked her if she meant my brother, and she just started laughing, which means she's confused and doesnt want to try to figure it out.

We just let it go and the girls entertained her for awhile.

This disease is so strange.

Jimmy's dad died this weekend, and I'm still kind of in shock from that.  And I know I should greatful mom is still here, but she isnt really.  Its hard to process it all.

Its still surreal...

Not having to worry 24-7.

I still worry, but its not the same. The knots in the pit of my stomach are gone.

The place is so great, the staff is awesome.  Mom seems to like it, most days.  I guess that's not toobad.  I have days I dont like everything too.

The nurse called me today, she is so sweet - I just love her already.  You know how you meet someone and you just KNOW they will be important and special to you.  She's one of those.  I need to get her to pose for a picture or something.  Anyway, mom lost a filling, and she was just calling me to let me know that she lost a filling and they had already made a dental appointment for her and they were getting it fixed today.  Just letting me know about it.  I'm informed, and involved, but not stressed by it all.

Its surreal, to know that someone (a professional) is taking better care of her than I could - and the stress is off of us. 

It may sound harsh, but I am grateful.  Because, I can be a daughter, not a caregiver.  I'm still a care taker, but I dont have to be beat down by the "job" of it.  I can be a mom, a daughter and wife, and still love my mom with out being in the minute to minute worry of if everything is ok. 

I feel me coming back - laughter with the kids, having the time and energy to care about myself.  I've been able to go med free (whohoo!) and make it.  I've started eating healthier and getting exercise.  

God works out things for his children - thank goodness.  He orchestrated all the events and lined them up so that we'd be accepted into the perfect place for her at this time in our journey.  

Update on placement

Mom is doing well at the nursing home.  We visited her Saturday - and it was the first time she said she wanted to go home. I reminded her that we can't keep her safe, and she said "oh yeah" and that was that.  The first Sunday she was there we took her to church - and found out how bad it really was there even.  My husband had to follow her the whole time, and she even tried to get on stage with the choir.  She is adament about joining the choir - so we decided at this time we shouldnt try to take her to church but maybe once a month.

Otherwise, she is doing well, enjoying the activities there the nurses say that she seems to be enjoying herself.  They still have her on wander alert, but they are letting her take walks with staff to the green house and around the campus.  Saturday the girls and I walked with her to a gazebo where we spent some time in the fresh air. She seemed to enjoy that. After about an hour though she's ready for us to go on and let her get back to writing.

Moving day

It was very anti-climatic.  She saw the sign for "whitfield" and nearly flipped, but once I said "you arent going to whitfield" she was fine - which even though she is, she isnt.  LOL "whitfield" is where they send 'crazy' people - and she isnt at the crazy people part.  So it wasnt total truth but in context of what she meant it was.

I really had very little to do - we moved her in, met the staff, they took us both on a tour.  I had to talk to the social worker and the doctor, and at about 11 mom was like "bye, you know where I am" LOL well, ok then.

It was hard, but I know its the right decision.  She seemed happier already - of course she claims to know everyone already.

I did have a moment with the doctor and nurses when I started crying - and this lady just arrived to visit her momma, and she gave me a big hug and told me that God knew everything, and that this was the best place - her mom has been their 3 years and staff is the same.  She also told me to visit as much as I could while mom knew me, b/c her mom doesnt know her anymore and she just wished she had come more.  Talk about God putting someone in the right place at the right time.

They are so NICE - everyone one of them you can tell is a calling.

God is good.... Thank you Jesus!

So, I had the talk with mom today.

I just told her the truth, that she needs 24 hour supervision and care, and we can't provide that.
I told her about the place, and - wait for it - she wants to go.  She's glad...said she was scared to be alone, but knew we couldnt do anything about it. PRAISE Jesus!

We are going shopping today to pick up a few new things, but she is ready, happy and relieved.

And so am I.

Thank you Lord - for your peace and guidance.

God's peace, right decisions - still hard.

Its been a long weekend.

I think I mentioned as soon as we got to the hospital to get her on Friday she asked if we were going to Alabama.  *sigh*

As soon as we got home, she was back to despondent.  It seems like she is so unhappy with us.  It makes me very sad, but there is nothing I can do about it.

She went to church with us today, and hubby got her to her Sunday school class, and then met her afterward, and got her to the sanctuary. Reports from her friends are that she was very happy and good.  I hate that she isn't happy around us.

Tomorrow I have to explain the move, and pack her up.

Everywhere I turn, God says "I've got this"  and I am very grateful, but that doesnt make it easy.  I know its the right decision, but that doesnt make it easy.

I pray for God's peace and direction, and His compassion to come through me when I have to tell her. That she will be peaceful and accepting, and not get agitated or upset, or try to leave.

Home from the hospital - for now

Hubby and I went to visit the nursing home we picked for her.  I as really impressed - the 'state hospital' had me worried, but it was amazing!  There are a lot of activities and fun things to do, including gardening, other out door activities, etc. I think once she gets settled in, she will be happy - its the transition that I'm worried about.

I really feel a peace about the place, its clean, the residents were happy. They were getting ready to go on an outing to the park (they have a park on campus). Its 350 acres, and really really pretty.  lots of grass, trees, a lake, a park etc.  All of the medical care she will need is there, from dental, eye, neurological etc.

After we finished the tour and saw the residence, I felt much better.  My only concern is getting her there now.

The hospital released her to me around noon, and as soon as she saw me, she asked if we were going to Alabama.  Oh boy.  :D  Could be a long 4 days!