Happy Birthday to you too

Today is mom's 61st birthday.  Though she would tell you she's 53.  She's been 53 for a long time now.

Anyway, the kids wanted to give her her birthday present this morning before school.  We got her some new pretty notebooks, new pens and a new hair brush, since she is so into those things.  She was very happy - and when she hugged me and I said "happy birthday" she said 'happy birthday to you too". That made me very sad - she doesnt even know what a birthday is?

My husband has been very sick for two weeks, and stayed home from work again to go to the doctor.  We also got rid of our paid tv service this week.  When I came in from work, with the kids, and we were getting ready for dinner, she was pouting.

I knew something was wrong.

I asked, do you not want dinner?

NO, I dont want anything to eat.

Ok, I said.

We ate our dinner, and I asked if she wanted birthday cake...she shrugged, still pouting.

She came to the table, and the kids were excited, and she was staring at the wall.

We lit the candles and sang, and we had to say 'are you going to blow out the candles?" and she did, but with this pissed off attitude.

I asked her again - whats wrong?

She started crying and said "I've been here all by myself all day and couldnt get the TV to work"
I said, didn't you go to clubhouse? And she said well yes....

And my sweet husband lost it. long story short, it wasnt pretty.

Anyway, my mom has always been a class A royal pouter, disrespectful and ungrateful for things done for her - and apparently this part of her personality is not going to change.   I have come to the place where I realize there isnt any thing I can do about it - but disrespect is a big deal for my husband.  And I can understand that....

But I feel like its all my fault.  I am the reason he is miserable, and I cant do anything about it.  She has lived with us since before she got sick, and disrespect for him was an issue even before the disease.  It hurts me so much to see him upset, hurt and angry.  All I can do is pray - pray for more of the fruits of the spirit and pray for peace for us all.   I pray that my sweet husband can find some relief from the burden he carries...but I dont know how to help.  I

How do you handle issues like gratefulness and disrespect like this?  Its not the same as training a child, they can learn.  I've been told I allow too much from her and she knows more than I think she does - maybe that's true, but how can you tell the difference?  She got home today at 250 - hubby was here, working on stuff for work in the office, and the girls and I got home at 5.  There was no "here all by myself all day" - time is a foriegn concept to her, how can things like respect and gratefulness be in there at all?