Happy Birthday to you too

Today is mom's 61st birthday.  Though she would tell you she's 53.  She's been 53 for a long time now.

Anyway, the kids wanted to give her her birthday present this morning before school.  We got her some new pretty notebooks, new pens and a new hair brush, since she is so into those things.  She was very happy - and when she hugged me and I said "happy birthday" she said 'happy birthday to you too". That made me very sad - she doesnt even know what a birthday is?

My husband has been very sick for two weeks, and stayed home from work again to go to the doctor.  We also got rid of our paid tv service this week.  When I came in from work, with the kids, and we were getting ready for dinner, she was pouting.

I knew something was wrong.

I asked, do you not want dinner?

NO, I dont want anything to eat.

Ok, I said.

We ate our dinner, and I asked if she wanted birthday cake...she shrugged, still pouting.

She came to the table, and the kids were excited, and she was staring at the wall.

We lit the candles and sang, and we had to say 'are you going to blow out the candles?" and she did, but with this pissed off attitude.

I asked her again - whats wrong?

She started crying and said "I've been here all by myself all day and couldnt get the TV to work"
I said, didn't you go to clubhouse? And she said well yes....

And my sweet husband lost it. long story short, it wasnt pretty.

Anyway, my mom has always been a class A royal pouter, disrespectful and ungrateful for things done for her - and apparently this part of her personality is not going to change.   I have come to the place where I realize there isnt any thing I can do about it - but disrespect is a big deal for my husband.  And I can understand that....

But I feel like its all my fault.  I am the reason he is miserable, and I cant do anything about it.  She has lived with us since before she got sick, and disrespect for him was an issue even before the disease.  It hurts me so much to see him upset, hurt and angry.  All I can do is pray - pray for more of the fruits of the spirit and pray for peace for us all.   I pray that my sweet husband can find some relief from the burden he carries...but I dont know how to help.  I

How do you handle issues like gratefulness and disrespect like this?  Its not the same as training a child, they can learn.  I've been told I allow too much from her and she knows more than I think she does - maybe that's true, but how can you tell the difference?  She got home today at 250 - hubby was here, working on stuff for work in the office, and the girls and I got home at 5.  There was no "here all by myself all day" - time is a foriegn concept to her, how can things like respect and gratefulness be in there at all?

this disease is so strange....

So for dinner we had steak, baked potatoes and salad.
Mom is fixing her plate - and she makes potato salad.  Putting salad stuff on her potato.

I don't say anything, because she eats it, but what part of the brain makes stuff like that seem "normal"?
Nothing is "wrong" with it, other than people just normally don't eat it that way.

I can't get married.

Friday morning mom comes to me and tells me that she can't marry Willie (whew).  I ask her why, and she just says she can't.  I said did something happen?  She said Willie's family doesnt want her to marry him, and that she had been thinking about it and just can't.

I told her that I thought she was making a good decision, for many reasons.  1) it might mess up their disability, 2) they couldnt live on their own, etc.

She said, thats what the director of the clubhouse said.  I said, listen to him, he's wise about these types of things.  (he also calls me and tells me whats going on up at the club house with mom).

I'm glad she came to this decision on her "own" because I didnt really want to have to use my power of attorney to stop something inappropriate.

The spot on her head is getting bigger - she will not leave it alone! The director called me the other day to make sure I knew about the bald spot.  I told him I did and had shown her nurse prac, but she just wont leave it alone.

Today while the kids were out of the room, I said, mom, you realize your going to end up bald if you dont stop right?  She just gave me a go to hades look and turned her head.  Its so frustrating!!

clothes

So I got mom in the shower tonight, and had put her pajamas in there.

Hannah had been in the bathroom taking her shower earlier, and before that I had her try on a new pair of school uniform pants.  She put them back on the hanger and left them in the bathroom.

Mom took a shower - and put Hannah's school pants on.  Which, was kinda funny looking, since Hannah is a good bit smaller than mom.  ha.

I thought - wait a minute, something isnt right here....those pants a) look new, and b) look too small.

Yep, it was Hannah's pants.  It took a good bit of convincing to make her change - but I got them back and in Hannah's room now.

Its always something, and I never know what that "something" will be.

Always amazed at how the Lord helps on this journey...

Today I went to church, as usual. It was a good service and sermon, as usual, about being salt and light.
I sat in the normal place, near some people I've known for awhile.
On the way out, one of them said something to me about not knowing mom had her troubles, and that her grandmother suffers from the disease.  She was nearly in tears while telling me to enjoy what time I have left.

The good Lord knew I needed to hear that, to help put my frustration into perspective.  I'm grateful for my friend for telling me what was on her heart.  This walk is hard.  It's long. It's frustrating.  But, its the one I am on.  It's my job to find the fruits of the spirit along the way, and make sure I am growing them.

I want to SCREAM! But it wont do any good

Well, mom seems to be ok with the cat being gone.  Then she tells me she wants a dog "like Deanna has" which is a chihuahua.  Um no.  We have three dogs thanks.  And I can't handle the little yippee dogs.  Then she tells me she wants a red truck - yeah like thats happening.  LOL

We got some good news this week medicaid decided to cover her medicare premium, so she will get that money back into her disability.

But seriously, I want to scream.  She CONSTANTLY picks at her head.  Its driving me nuts.  Nothing can make her stop.  I say the same thing over and over and over and she'll stop for a few minutes and then right back at it.  I get so frustrated! then she askes me if some medicated shampoo will make her hair grow back - NO not if you keep picking it out.  She says " I dont do that" she doesnt even realize she does it ...ALL the time.  I mean ALL the time.  There is never a time if she isnt doing something with both hands that she isnt picking at her head.  It makes me nuts.  I just want to Scream: STOP IT! but it wouldnt do any good.  Which is almost more frustrating than wanting to scream.

I can feel my shoulders migrating up to around my ears.  I only have one muscle relaxer left.  :(

Where's the cat?

So, I took mom's cat to MARL today. They were really sweet.  I told them what was going on and that I was afraid the dogs would hurt her, they took her no questions asked. I left her carrier, her big container of food and then some donations from my youngest's girl scout troop.

 The sad part is, Jimmy and I got there about 5 mins before they opened, and there were already three people there with cats to surrender. One man had a tiny little kitten, he said the momma cat abandoned the kittens and he tried to save them, but they had all died but one and he didnt know what else to do.  It was really sweet, a great big ole working man - worried about that tiny kitty.

One of the other guys had two feral cats he had trapped- wow were they wild! and then there was one tame one.

MARL is such a great organization.  I hope if you live in the metro Jackson area and are considering adding a pet to your family, you'll visit a shelter. There are several in our area, but I would recommend the Jackson City Pound (Jackson Friends of the Animal Shelter is an amazing non-profit that helps city pound animals) and MARL.  If you dont live the area, please consider adoption of a shelter animal.  There are tons out there- some even full blooded like my Ally Kate the pug.

Jimmy told me when him and Emma got home (she didnt feel well so I dropped them off on my way to take Hannah to KingSingers practice) the first thing she asked Emma was "Have you seen the cat?"

Oy.  I know it was the right decision, but its going to be hard if I have to tell her about it every day.

bye bye kitty

 Mom has always had a cat - and the one she has right now she's had for 8 years since she saved her as a wee kitty at about 6 weeks old from some nasty boys.

Well, Sunday something happened and she bit mom on the arm.  Not sure what the deal is, but the cat was ticked off. Mom claims she didnt do anything, but would she remember?

It got infected and I took her to the doctor yesterday.  All was well.

Last night, she bit her again. Mom doesn't want her in her room any more - which is a problem since we have three dogs, and two of them are NOT fans of the cat. So, I asked her if she wanted me to find her a new home, and she says yes.  I got her out of her room and have her crated.

Today I will take her to MARL and tell them whats going on, and hope they can find her a home.  I'm not sure how the kids will take it, pets are family to us. However, I feel the most humane thing to do is surrender her to MARL.  I cant put her outside, poor kitty has never been outside.