Monday - Day 7

Yesterday was mom's 7th day in Senior Care.  She was mad, but not at me.  She was mad because she didnt get pudding for lunch.  This disease is so strange.

I found out that she has been medically and conditionally accepted to the dementia unit I'm trying to get her into.  there is one more packet that has to be completed, and I found out late yesterday that the Senior Care social worker has it ready, I have to swing by this morning and sign it, and they'll send it off.

Not sure how long we have after that.  Guess we'll find out.

Moving slowly

Friday was a tough day, Mom had the same conversations she's had with me on Tues and Wed.
But she added some stuff in this time.

She wants Papa to come get her.  Papa is her grandfather, who died before I was born.  She keeps talking about him and how he would take her anywhere she wanted.  Then she said, but he's dead, so Uncle Obert will  take me where I need to go.  (Uncle Obert is dead too).  It was hard, listening to her ask for people to come get her.

The she started talking about her sister, Jane (also dead) and how her sons were really moms sons now, and could I find them? I have no idea where they are now, much less if they would come here if I found them.

Today she was despondant and sad, not talking to me at all.  Its harder to visit her when she is down that manically happy.

The staff at senior care is very helpful, and they are handling ALL the paper work for the home.  I have already provided what I was responsible for, the rest, they are pulling together and sending over.  They seem to think it will be an easy admission.  So does the home, they are helpful and positive as well.

Moving Fast - a whirlwind

So since my last update I went on a field trip with my oldest, so one of my friends went and visited mom during yesterdays visitation hour since the hubby is no longer comfortable being with her alone.

Lets just say apparently it was an experience.  Mom recognized her, and again was abnormally happy.  She also apparently did a "dance" complete with a shimmy, and very suggestive moves.  I'm glad this friend is practically family, or I'm not sure I could look at her again!  I can imagine she was very uncomfortable, I know I would have been.

Hubby had a phone conference with the team, and they recommend 24 hr supervision, and told us to bring any thing they need to fill out ASAP for the medicaid bed I found at Jaquith.  The bed I found is in the demenita unit associated with the nursing home at the state hospital, and everyone tells me they are great.  Both the Alz. Association and my elder care attny told me that it was one of the best, and they take medicaid.  They are working with us and I hope we can get it take care of quickly and with minor stumbles.

I need to provide a copy of a lot of stuff to them, and I went to find mom's SS card and couldnt. I couldnt find her birth cert either, to request a new card, so I went to the web to buy another birth cert, I could have one over nighted.  The credit card processor wouldnt accept my card wed night, so I couldnt order it.  This morning, I went in to mom's room to get something and picked up a folder, and her SS card fluttered out on to the bed.  All I could say was "thank you Jesus" for bringing the card back to me and saving the money.

Just a little reminder that HE's got this all figured out, and I just need to trust him.

Please continue to pray for his divine scissors to cut through all the processes and paperwork, as they have so far.

First Visit to Senior Care

I went up today for a visit with mom to senior care.  I talked hubby into going with me because I was anxious/nervous about what I might see/find/hear.

We got up there, and found mom in the activity room.  It was sad, all the poor people who needed geri-psych help.

Anyway, mom was happy.  Abnormally happy.  In a manic weird kind of way.

She was trying to tell us about all the "little old people" who were confused and didnt know where they were or      where their spouses were, and about trying to help them.  Then about her talking in a circle (therapy) and about watching TV with them.  When we got ready to leave, she hugged hubby again and said "your my daddy now' which really really freaks him out.

So, in all it wasnt too bad.  She seems happy, and not scared or upset, which I was afraid she would be.

Later this afternoon I talked to her social worker, who is helping me with contacts for a long term care bed, because mom cant be alone and we can't find a program that will give us the home health aid times we need.  So I have to start calling facilities tomorrow.

Prayer partners, please pray that we find the right place and the red tape is just cut for us with ease.

Mom moved upstairs today

Mom's potassium was in the normal range, so they moved her upstairs to Senior Care today.
I saw her briefly before I they moved her.

She kinda freaked the hubby out a little, because she said something about knowing he wasn't her daddy but was her son?  I'm not sure exactly what she was trying to convey, but it was odd.

I will get to visit one hour a day now, and only from 130-230.  We'll see tomorrow how its going.

well, mom was in a mood today.

Good news, is her potassium levels crossed the 3 threshold, but they are going to keep her one more night on the regular floor to see if they can get it up to 3.5. She should start her 10-12 day geri-psych stay tomorrow.

Today, after church I took the girls to visit her since they won't get to see her while she is in geri-psych.

Apparently, in some version of her reality, I have wronged her some way.  She wouldnt talk to me and kept her back to me, and stared at the wall. She talked to the kids breifly, but she didnt even want to talk to them.

We stayed about an hour and a half, left and got her some more magazines and a dr pepper.

I'm sure its because I'm not taking her home, or because we aren't "going to Alabama" or something.

Still, its hard to be treated like that.

Hannah said at one point in "awkward'.

So, we keep waiting.  I will be glad when they move her to the geri-psych ward, because then I wont have to fill guilty for not being there all the time, since they wont let me visit but 1 hour a day.

Hurry up and wait...

So I go to the hospital today, and they have assigned mom a nurse round the clock.  I'm so grateful, because I just cant mentally stay there 24/7 right now.  This is very much needed God provided break.

Today's nurse was a hoot and a half.  She had been chatting with mom a couple of hours before I got there, she works in Senior Care F/T so she is used to geri-psych.

She said she needed me to clarify a few things mom had told her, so I found out what an, um interesting morning they had had.

Mom said she had 5 siblings, for a total of 6.  There were 5 total.  She said that all of them were dead except her and her oldest sister. Her brother is still alive. She said I was born my cesarean section.  Welll...that isnt true either.

Then we were chatting about some other stuff, and I mentioned that one time when my brother was little - and mom said brother?! I didnt have a son!  And started to get very agitated and upset, so the psych nurse just laughed and said, well you know how many kids you had, I'm sure your daughter is just confused - and changed the subject.

The nurse patted me on the knee and said I'm so sorry honey.

I guess my life is more interesting in mom's version of reality.

The nurse pulled me aside and told me how sorry she was, that she knew listening to that must be terribly hard, and she hadn't seen anyone as young as mom as bad as she is.

She never remembered my brother all day.

She knew me, and Jimmy, and the girls, and that she had a sister still alive. But thats it.

The nurse told me that they couldnt figure out why her potassium was so low, and I told her about the colon resection she had back in the late 90s, - mom had no idea she'd ever had colon surgery and she's had 3.

She told me today she wanted to go home, and she kept telling everyone she wasnt going upstairs even though yes, yes she is, for 10 days once they get the potassium straight.

Its hard, but a relief at the same time to have total peace in my home, even if its just for a break.  At least we can recharge, and we'll make a plan forward with her team in Senior Care.

"senior care"

Well, when hubby called the clubhouse to tell them mom really wasnt going to Alabama, the guy that answered the phone told him that we should talk to the crisis people at Region 8, and see about getting her into a geri-psych unit somewhere for an evaulation.

I was on a field trip with our youngest, so God bless him he did.  The crisis director sent him to Crossgates River Oaks Hospital's Senior Care department.  There, we had the joy of finding Mrs Kay.

Kay is, literally a godsend, an Angel on earth. She is most obviously in her calling.  I can not recall when I talked to someone more caring, more helpful, and just down right nice - that had answers for us immediately.

The Senior Care Unit at Crossgates RO is inpatient program, where people over 55 come in for 10-12 days, and the figure out whats going on, tweak meds, and try to get them home - but if they feel they need 24 hr care, help with the process form there.  They have 18 beds.  Guess how many empty ones they had yesterday?

I bet you can guess.  One.

So, hubby and I had to take her to the ER, and get her medically cleared.  This took much longer than we all thought it would, because they were so backed up.  Then, the doctor couldnt medically clear her because her potassium is low, something not uncommon in people with a history of crohn's disease.  I was worried at first because they only had the "one" bed, but they assured me that 90% that come in have some medical issue to clear up, and the "one" bed was hers.  So she was admitted to a regular room last night, but they placed her across from the nurses desk and there was a camera in the room.

They asked if I could spend the night, but I was so tired, hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was 8pm.  I told them I really couldnt, and they said that was fine, they got a sitter for her from senior care. I also had to sign a form saying she could be watched by the staff on camera.

She was pretty good the whole time, there were a couple of hours where she got really agitated, and upset, and we got her in a quiet room and she calmed down.

Hopefully today her potassium will hit the right range and she can move.  We can only visit one hour a day, but I think it will be good for her.

Going to Alabama

Well, that's what mom thinks anyway.

Yesterday she called my step mom, which is strange on more than one level.  a) she cant use a phone so I figure she managed to hit redial or call back.  b) she's never liked my step mom, so I imagine that was as a strange conversation period.

She told me that my step mom called her - not true.  Step mom says mom called and asked her where she was, and then thanks for calling.  This disease is so strange.

I didn't think much more about that, stuff like this is "normal" these days.

Until this morning.....

Mom: I told Denesha not at clubhouse Alabama.

Translation:  I told the van driver that I wouldnt be going to clubhouse because I'm going to Alabama

Me: Why? Where did you get that idea?

Mom: We arent going to Betty Mae (mom's sister)

Me: No, the kids have school.

Mom: Oh.

The only thing I can figure is mom thought we were going to Alabama because my oldest was talking about going to Alabama on her field trip next week.  The 5th grade is going to Birmingham and she is very excited.

Oh boy.

So the kids are getting ready for school and at 630 she tells me: Can you get me to clubhouse.

Me: not at 630 in the morning.  We'll fix it.

*sigh*

Lord, bring an answer and solution with quickness!

Monday - rollercoaster!

Well, Mom was ready and waiting in the driveway at 630 am. I just didnt say anything.  She came back in about 830, mad that she had been forgotten, and there was nothing we could say.

When the van showed up at 850 she was happy.

I called the mental clinic and talked to the psych nurse, who talked to the doc.  They evaluated her at the clubhouse and decided to tweak her meds.  Hubby talked to the clubhouse director and made him aware of how mad she was at the driver.

Her anger towards my husband drives me to get a second opinion.  I sent a request in to a psych at the University Medical Center department that deals with these types of things that the Alzheimers Association of Mississippi suggested.  UMC is not easy to get into, but I want them to check her out too.

I also called and talked to the admissions group at the dementia care unit associated with the state hospital.  I know that it sounds bad, the state mental hospital, but everyone I have talked too says they are the best in the state - and they take medicaid.  The lady was so nice, and she said it sounded like she met the quals, but I need to fill out a big packet with her doctor.

It was a long hard day, then I got home.  Mom got in my face b/c she has no concept of "personal space" and told me I was right.  (duh) But when I told her that her apology needed to be to Jimmy because of the things she had said about his character as a christian, she denied she said anything to the kids or the family down the street.

The little girl came and played with the girls in the front yard and street riding bikes last night - I was glad her parents let her. The chain came off her bike and hubby showed her out to fix it, and then tightened it for her.  She was very chatty and happy - in other words back to normal.  I'm SO glad God gave me the courage to talk to her mom. I am not the type to talk to people that I don't know, so that God for his strength.  Then, the other shoe.  We found out mom didnt say hubby hated "black" people - she used the ne'er to be used word that starts with an N.  Oh my goodness.  The color drained out of my husbands face.  Seriously?  Now I am REALLY glad I went to talk to the mom.

I also talked to the medicaid office, to see if there is away we could have a sitter in the afternoons, and while she qualifies, a competent person has to be here to let them in - if I could be here by 3 every day I wouldnt need their help.  The lady was very sweet though, and is going to look to see if there is some other program that could help us.

So, I made all the calls, requested all the help, and now we wait.

What a day...Easter Service, the police, racism, what a day

Where to start?  I guess I will start at the beginning.  So yesterday, we had the whole "they forgot me" day, but today, when we got up, mom was ready for church and I thought we were back to our version of normal.

Wrong - o

When we got home, mom came tearing in the room after me "I need to talk to you"

OK, I said.

"All I want from you is to get me to clubhouse, they are going to think I am sick, if I don't go"

Mom, its Sunday, they are closed.

NO they are not! (I admit, I was scared there for a min, cus she had wild eyes).

Mom, do you want me to take you up there and show you?

YES because I will be OK if I can just walk through the doors.

Ok. So I load her up and drive her to the clubhouse.

Of course, its locked and closed.  No one is there.

She beats on the doors for awhile, tries to open it.  And getting frantic. She finally got back in the van.

We left, and if I hadn't had the child lock on she would have jumped out of the van at the red light because she saw a white van.

So we come back home, have Easter lunch with some friends, an egg hunt, all seemed well - or wellish.
But, as soon as dinner was over, she was back outside, waiting for the driver of the club house van.

We got her back in again, and then she started going on about how she was supposed to have a phone, that she had filled out a form and I must have thrown it away.  I have no idea where that came from.

So, later, we are out in the front and the kids are riding their bikes.  She came out and said she was going for her walk. I shouldnt have let her go, but she normally goes to the end of the block and turns and comes back, and I can see her, but I got busy with the kids and realized she didnt turn back.  I had this heart sinking feeling that she was going to the clubhouse. First, the kids and I started walking down the block to look for her, but we didnt see her.  And while we were walking, the oldest starts talking.  mom had been telling them we were lying to her about the date and the clubhouse, trying to keep her away from it. And she told a child and her mom down the street that my husband hates black people and that her daughter shouldnt come play with ours.  (you guessed it they are black -interracial infact). So on the way back I stopped to talk to her mom.  I told her what was going on and that my mom was missing, and to please not believe her. That her daughter is totally welcome and that we like having her play with the kids. Ugh. talk about uncomfortable.  But she was visually relieved that mom had a reason for saying that stuff.

She's also been telling the kids we've been lying, and that God needs to open our eyes to how we treat her. She also told the kids she was leaving, and she had people that would help her if she could just call them.

So, I get back to the house and decide to drive the van around.  Hubby calls the cops.  We drive the route the van takes to clubhouse but I dont see her.  I start calling people to pray.  A total of two hours later, pearl PD finds her.  Walking down the road to toward the clubhouse - and she had gotten lost, and went in some strangers house - oh how bad this could have turned out.

I talked to my aunt (her sister) what all was going on. She told me its probably time to find somewhere more safe for her - just like it was time for her mom back in the 80s.

Anyway, the Police brought her home and she didnt think anything was wrong.  That she'd just been for a stroll.  I'm exhausted, the kids were terrified and it was not a fun afternoon.

Neighbors who know us know we aren't racist or mean to momma, but the fact that she tells people that really bothers my us.  At the advice of my neighbor that works for mental health I called it into her psych.  I imagine we may have to have a 72 hr hold on her this week.  We all need prayers and strength from God right now.

Saturday - or is it?

Well, today was "interesting".

This morning, when I got up, mom was ready for clubhouse.  However, its saturday.  Oldest told her a couple of times, hubby told her...but it didnt matter she was staring out the window.

Then she went outside and stood behind the van.  I went out, and told her, "mom, its Saturday"
Her: "they'll be here in a minute"
Me: They are closed on Saturday mom.
Her: "NO they arent"

So I went back inside.

Later, we got the kids ready to go to the Easter egg hunt in town.  We went and loaded up in the van, and I asked if she wanted to go, and she did come with us, but she wasnt happy about it.

I thought it had passed....until tonight after dinner.

We were dyeing eggs out on the patio, and she came out to tell me how made she was at the driver for not coming to get her.

I told her again, mom, its Saturday, they are closed today.

NO they aren't. Everyone will think I was sick.  Why didnt she come get me?

She began to get very agitated and finally went to "read" her Bible.

I thought all was well again...until I went to get her in the shower.

She took her shower, and while I was outside with the kids, she got ready for church.  *sigh*

My oldest daughter found her in church clothes, and told her it was Saturday again.  We got her changed and then I went to talk to my daughter, because I could tell she was upset.

So we had a nice talk, and she said she had an idea for something to help. She drew a machine that helps people with Alzheimers, and she put on one page: goal for life, find a cure.