I really messed up this time

I really messed up this time.

That’s what mom told me on the phone yesterday afternoon about 4pm. 

This is how the conversation went:

Me:  “Hello?”

Mom:  “Hey. Can you come get me?”

Me: “No, mom I can’t, I’m at work. What’s wrong?”

Mom:  “I really messed up this time I think”

Cue panic!

Me:  “What? What happened?”

Mom:  “I don’t know, but I need you to come.  I messed up. “

Me:  “What happened?”

Mom:  “I don’t know”

It always takes me a few minutes to realize, hello, she can’t convey the thought, talk to someone who can! It’s hard to realize that your parent can’t communicate. This back and forth went on for a bit until I said:  Can I talk to the nurse?

Mom:  “Sure”

Nurse:  Hello?

Me: Is mom ok? She told me she had “really messed up?”

Nurse:  “She’s fine, she’s had a good day, went to the beauty shop and got her hair done, when she got back she asked me to call you. “

Translation:  “Can you come see my new hairdo before I mess it up?”

*whew* this is the strangest disease.

As I told a friend earlier today, this journey has been about unseen shoes dropping. I know that getting her placed at this particular nursing home was a huge blessing, but I live in fear of the “we can’t handle her “ call, even though, logically I know they can.

It just seems that every time we are smooth sailing again, something pops up (don’t get me started on the hidden mail again! I just recently was mortified AGAIN by some mail that had to have been hidden her last week or so at the house – uggh!) 

*Edit typed this us last night but forgot to publish

Not doing so hot right now...

Mom has another blood clot in her knee - not as bad as in 2010, but they had to put her back on blood thinners, and she doesn't understand all the needles.  She never liked needles, but now they make her mad.

I visited today, and she just didn't seem well - more disoriented than normal. She'd been having nosebleeds from the blood thinners and was just mad in general.  She seemed glad to see me and H, but I'm not sure she knew who we were.  I was glad E didn't go, b/c it would have been scary today.

She was angry and she hadn't had a shower - the nurse said they hadn't pushed it today or yesterday b/c she'd been combative about the blood draws.  I didn't blame them, no need to cause a ruckus.  They were making her stay in the community room so they could keep an eye on her nose, and she was mad about that. She was just mad in general.

I hate this disease.

H was so sweet though, she asked mom if she could brush her hair, and she let her.

Then she acted out different animals trying to get mom to guess. She guessed a few, and we got her laughing before we left.  We were there at shift change and spoke to the next nurse too, she's a riot - always singing and laughing and when she saw H doing charades she jumped right in pretending to not understand and making mom feel better.  She also said - I hear these other nurses have made you mad?

Mom said: yeah, good and mad.  She said: ohhhh help us we all know good and mad is bad.  ;)

Well, its nap time.

Today I went to visit mom this afternoon.  I wasnt able to go yesterday, since I had been out of town for three days for a leadership retreat for work.  Its a great program, but my goodness it wears me out. I'm a strong introvert, but I can extrovert when necessary, but it makes me sooooo tired. Its so draining.

E had 3 soccer games spread out over the day so we were at the fields from 830-3. Grabbed some realllly late lunch/early dinner and I feel asleep on the couch at about 6.  That's how tired I was. Most people who know me know I'm usually up until at least 1030.

Mom had the nurse call me yesterday, and it was between games.  She said "I want to come home"
I said, now, you know we cant do that, but I'll be by tomorrow afternoon, to visit and restock the Dr Peppers.  "ok. My knee hurts"  Wonder why? think its the weather change?  Maybe. See you tomorrow.  Bye.

So after church today, I was STILL wore out, we changed curriculum for sunday school and started the "gospel project" which I think its going to be very cool, but it was a pretty drastic change to the "rhythm" me and the lead teacher have worked out over the last four years.  LOL Then we had had a powerful sermon and I was just wiped out. But, H had a afternoon thing with the youth at church, and I had to pick her up at 345, so I went to visit mom before that.

I brought her some Dr P.  Cant enter without that.  HA.  The Aide that saw me asked me to hide, and then went and got mom, being all silly with her and singing skip to my lou, then she asked her - how much do you love me? Mom said "this much" and she opened up a curtain and said how about now?  ;) I found someone wandering around  LOL

Mom was glad to see me.  "I didnt know you were coming!"  - she had forgotten our phone call.  I asked her how her knee was. She said "my knee?  fine I guess. Is something wrong with it?"  Me:  Guess not.  :(

We chatted a bit, she had had her nails redone and her hair fixed, so she was feelin' all spiffy.  After about 45 minutes she said "well, its nap time"  I said do you want me to leave so you can nap?  Yep.  LOL ok then.

I talked to one of the nurses a bit.  I .love. her. She is So sweet. Geniune, and really really really loves her residents. She was sharing some about mom's last few days - and said she was off Friday, they had a special day and she woke up in the middle of the night to remind them not to let mom have chocolate at the party.

Did you read that?  This nurse, on her day off, woke up in the middle of the night to call back to make sure the nurse that was going to be there the next day would be sure to not give mom chocolate.  And she was relating the story to me not in a "look how great I am way" but in a "I was so worried b/c she had had tummy trouble already last week way". Can you say blessed?  I need something awesome to do for these nurses for the holidays, really I do.  They are AMAZING. They all know me by sight and name, and when they call they always start the conversation with " its not an emergency, this is so and so. How are you doing?  How are the girls? "

If you have ever been in the situation of having to care for someone that is beyond your ability to do alone, you know how valuable these self less wonderful people are.  Yes, it is a job for them, yes they get paid, but to see the pure LOVE from these women to my mom is just priceless.  They do a way better job that I ever did taking care of her - and I dont have to worry at all.  Period.  They have it.   I can be a daughter.