The joys of being in the 'sandwich' generation.

Sandwich generation: the group of people who are caring for aging parents and their own children.

That totally fits us, and today, I don't feel like a nice sandwich, but more of a nasty sandwich. Maybe that ham and cheese loaf stuff?

I went to bed at normal time. Yeah for me! Awoken at midnight by a scared child - not a problem.  Help her out, get her back to sleep drift off to sleep again.  I wasn't awake long enough for it to impact my sleep cycle - whohooo.

3 am. light on in the living room, which I wouldnt have noticed if Jimmy had not gotten up to go to the restroom and woke me up b/c the light was on. I sleep through that kind of stuff.  Unless one of the dogs or kids wake me up, I have trained myself to let Jimmy handle the other things - noises lights etc.  ha So I get up.  Mom is in the living room, completely dressed to go to clubhouse, down to her jacket, watching TV.

Ok - good news - she was completely dressed in clean clothes and ready for clubhouse, without assistance.   Bad news, its 3 am.

Have you ever tried to explain the concept of 3 am to some one who doesnt get the concept of time?  Most parents have - because kids don't get it.  However, kids can be taught.  Eventually, they understand.  Have you ever tried to explain the concept of time to some one who will NEVER get it.  Its beyond frustrating!

So, since it took me awhile to convince her that it was middle of the night and she needed to be in bed - I was now fully awake. Great.  I took the opportunity to spend the next hour praying, and finally my heavenly daddy helped me drift back off to sleep.

Dealing with someone with dementia, is a lot like parenting a 3 or 4 year old.  they know just enough to be contrary, but you cant reason with them. The difference - the big difference - is you can train a child, but you cant train someone who cant remember.  Its very frustrating.

I don't mind being a sandwich, but I sure would like to be a yummy sandwich. Not a couple of pieces of soggy white bread with ham and cheese loaf.   Its harder to be a sandwich when you don't get enough sleep.

Stuck on Black People

So I mentioned last post about mom chasing the African American lady down in our church parking lot. Ever since she decided she was "marrying" Willie (her "boyfriend' from clubhouse) and confronted me in the kitchen about two inches from my nose, asking me "what would you do if my boyfriend was black?", she's been stuck on race.  The she told my Mother in law that she and Willie had gone to sonic and they refused to serve them.  Totally a made up story.  *sigh* Even if they DID go to sonic (which they havent) they wouldn't have been refused service, unless maybe they had no money...ha!

Well, there is a new family on our street, and you guessed it, they are African American.  They have kids, the kids have join the street play with the other kids, mine included. Its nice to have more kids around, when we moved in the neighborhood, save the neighbor's son, ours were the only kids on the street.  Now across the street a family has moved in with two kids, and now down the street there are some more.  Nice people, we are not the type to care if someone is purple, they are God's children just like we are.

Mom takes "walks" down to the end of the street and back, and one day I saw her stop in their driveway to talk to them. No biggie, I think. - Wrong!

Today, hubby goes to the neighbors to pick up coupons for me, and the neighbor tells hubby that mom had come over to his house to ask him "how he felt about black people living on the street" apparently, she is tickled that "they are allowed".

Sooooo, I guess I need to be sure the adults in this house knows whats going on, before she says something totally inappropriate and they think we are "those" kind of people.  *sigh* .

Of ALL the things to be hung up on, why this?! This is Mississippi, it hasnt been long - and was in her generation, when race relations were so strained, lynchings were common place.  Race relations still are not great today - even though I'd say they are better - at least from what I can tell.

Anyone have any ideas on THIS one?  I feel like I should explain her behavior, inappropriate comments that she doesn't mean anything mean with them. Or would that make it worse? I have NO idea what to do with this.

Feel free to comment on this one.  I really am at a loss!

Need to go there

So, mom has started some compulsive behaviors.
Scratching her head in the same place over and over (until there is a bald spot there now)
Flipping her hair.
Copying the Bible word for word in a notebook.

Of all of them copying the bible is least annoying.  But its strange.  6 mos ago she couldn't even write her name, yet right now she can copy the Bible in a beautiful script...word for word letter for letter.

Now, there is no rhyme or reason to where she starts, but whateve.  I can live with it.

The other day she comes to me:

Her: I need a note to go there.

Me: where?

Her: there. That place.

Me: what place?

Her: the place in pearl, with the tables. the tables, and the bathrooms.

Me: how are you getting there?

Her: the person with the car, but they say I need a note from you.

By this point, I am totally confused.  She goes to an adult care center daily, and I assume a "field trip" would be a lot like for a kid in day care, forms etc that need to be filled out. So, I try to get more info.

Me: Why do you want to go there?

Her: so I can copy my Bible. The ones at clubhouse think I am crazy for it.

this is the point I have to try to keep a straight face, after all, clubhouse is FOR mentally challenged adults, and the idea that they have labels for some of them as "Crazy" I find amusing.

So she cant tell me what she really needs, where there is or anything. So I send a note with her, please give me the info, because she can tell me.

I tell her, until I have more information, I cant write a note that says you may go "there", and if you got seperated from them, could you tell someone where you need to be?

Her: yes

Me: really? where do you live?

Her: here.

Oy!

this is such a strange, strange disease.

And, she apparently is stuck in the 50s, where black and white people were segregated in the south. She chased a black lady down in our church parking lot on Sunday - to tell her she was so glad that a black woman was at our church - and Jesus loves her.  Now, this lady looked at her like she was nuts, said "um, thanks, and I know?"  And beat feet to flee from her before I could catch up to explain.  Oh boy. These new developments could be the source of many interesting situations.

I just don't get it....

How can mom all of a sudden only want to eat food that is take out or junk?

She is refusing to eat food we cook. I don't get it. Its even things I KNOW she likes.

Its very frustrating...and while I know its probably not intentional, it sure FEELS like it.

After working all day and taking care of the kids and life stuff, it sure ticks me off when she won't eat.